MetaCatholic

The blogabout on literary translation has been continuing since I last looked in. Among the more recent posts are two stimulating ones, one by John Hobbins (who references a good number of useful links), and the other by Iyov (which promises to be the first of a fascinating series). Unfortunately for my linguistic shallowness, their concentration is on the Hebrew Scriptures, where there is, admittedly, a much greater literary style in many texts. So I thought I would try to complement this with a reflection on a simple part of a (lexically and grammatically) simple narrative: part of Mark’s introduction to Jesus’ ministry. This offers a different challenge as having a great many oral as opposed to literary features.

Here is Mark 1:19-22, drawn first from the NRSV, tending to formal equivalence, then the NLT as an example of dynamic equivalence, with the Greek below. I follow this with a number of observations, and then essay my own attempt.

As he went a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John, who were in their boat mending the nets. Immediately he called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men, and followed him. They went to Capernaum; and when the sabbath came, he entered the synagogue and taught.  They were astounded at his teaching, for he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

A little farther up the shore Jesus saw Zebedee’s sons, James and John, in a boat repairing their nets. He called them at once, and they also followed him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men.  Jesus and his companions went to the town of Capernaum. When the Sabbath day came, he went into the synagogue and began to teach. The people were amazed at his teaching, for he taught with real authority– quite unlike the teachers of religious law.

Καὶ προβὰς ὀλίγον εἶδεν Ἰάκωβον τὸν τοῦ Ζεβεδαίου καὶ Ἰωάννην τὸν ἀδελφὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ αὐτοὺς ἐν τῷ πλοίῳ καταρτίζοντας τὰ δίκτυα,  καὶ εὐθὺς ἐκάλεσεν αὐτούς. καὶ ἀφέντες τὸν πατέρα αὐτῶν Ζεβεδαῖον ἐν τῷ πλοίῳ μετὰ τῶν μισθωτῶν ἀπῆλθον ὀπίσω αὐτοῦ.  Καὶ εἰσπορεύονται εἰς Καφαρναούμ· καὶ εὐθὺς τοῖς σάββασιν εἰσελθὼν εἰς τὴν συναγωγὴν ἐδίδασκεν. καὶ ἐξεπλήσσοντο ἐπὶ τῇ διδαχῇ αὐτοῦ· ἦν γὰρ διδάσκων αὐτοὺς ὡς ἐξουσίαν ἔχων καὶ οὐχ ὡς οἱ γραμματεῖς.

A few observations aimed fundamentally at capturing a sense of vivid oral narrative :

• One question is how to convey in English the immediacy of that unusually repetitive καὶ (and). One option is to go for much shorter sentences: here while the NLT has five, the NRSV has four. That’s not a major difference, though the NLT probably represents a step in the right direction. Oral discourse often employs parenthetical phrases which break up sentences as well.
• Modern oral English story-telling (recounting events in the pub, say) does tend to mix and match historic presents and simple pasts, as a vivid technique. There’s only one in this passage, and neither translation chooses to pick it up. In English usage one would either need none, or more than one: the present once used, tends to last for at least the sentence it’s in, before a tense switch occurs again.
• I don’t know if it’s just my idiolect, but that “little farther” sounds literary. I am well aware that it has been the correct choice for distance, and that some people continue to maintain the distinction between “farther” for distance and “further” for time. In common speech I find most people say “further” for both (at least in the UK). The NLT is odd here, since it gives no sense of Jesus moving on, just looking further (sic) ahead.
• I’m not entirely sure about that “mending” (NRSV), “repairing” (NLT). It’s accurate, but καταρτίζοντας has a wider semantic field, and can include preparing as well as mending. When possible I think we should try to reflect ranges of meaning that are not restricted by the context. I think “fixing” carries some of that same range of meaning.
• I’m not sure about that phrase “the hired men”: It has form, as implying a certain untrustworthiness. The loss of family motif may need either stressing, or footnoting. “Agency employees” gives the sense of impermanence, but has too much baggage. Day workers is a bit culturally specific, but might be a better option.
• There are two of Mark’s characteristic uses of εὐθὺς (immediately) in this text. Both translations go for the first and ignore the second.
• The NRSV’s “astounded” is a little literary.
• In NRSV that phrase “one having authority” is hardly spoken English, but the NLT’s “he taught with real authority” loses any sense of a class of person.
• How to translate οἱ γραμματεῖς.is tricky. In one sense NRSV is quite right, it means “scribes” but this doesn’t convey today the role in relation to Torah in particular of this specialized group. I’m not sure about NLT’s “the teachers of religious law” because the specialism includes that, but is not restricted to that, and it doesn’t convey the sense of professional skill. This may be one of those places where we should keep a nice simple word, and stick with scribes, rather than replace it with an expansive phrase that pads the narrative out, and make sure it’s well footnoted. One possible English option might be “the commentators.” This would still benefit from a footnote, since the class it conveys it not exactly the same one, although there’s an argument to be made for it capturing a style of teaching.

Now an attempt to put those observations into practice. It’s far from perfect, but I hope it captures the sense of someone telling this story in English, while not straying too far from the Greek.

He went on a little further, and saw James, Zebedee’s son, together with his brother John – they were in the boat fixing the nets – and straightaway he called them. They left their father Zebedee behind in the boat with the day workers, and went off following Jesus.

They go on to Capernaum. Then it’s the Sabbath day and straightaway Jesus goes into the synagogue and begins to teach. Everyone was astonished by his teaching because he taught like someone with authority, not like the commentators at all.

Feel free to pick this apart in the comments.