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The sexual innocence of Michael Bird

Michael expresses his surprise at a Sydney Morning Herald article on Christian Sex Guides. I’m not quite sure why, since evangelical Christians (the only sort who would buy a separate “Christian” guide) seem to me to have bought fully into a late modern Western hedonistic relational pleasure-giving-and-receiving understanding of sex as a necessary means of human fulfilment – only adding the proviso that it really ought to happen only in marriage (straight of course!) whether it’s your first, second, third or more.

If the SMH article surprised Michael, he should take a look at this site, where you will find advice on the proper place of anal sex, oral sex, rimming, spanking and more. In case you were wondering, the proper place is marriage. While they think divorce ought to be avoided, their argument, if I have them right is that refusing to have sex with your spouse is “porneia” and so included in the Matthean exception as a reason for divorce.

The site says above the menu: “Got Jesus? Please donate.” It does rather make him sound like a disease looking for a research cure.

12 Responses to “The sexual innocence of Michael Bird”

  1. 1
    Jim:

    well one thing’s for certain- you’re about to get a lot of search hits because of your smutty talk.

  2. 2
    Esteban Vázquez:

    As for me, my favorite Biblical guide to Christian sex is, of course, sexinchrist.com.

  3. 3
    Drew:

    Yeah, this is a good way to resolve the issue of sexual dysfunction. Satiate your desires as much as possible. It would be nice to split the difference between outright repression and taboo on the one hand, and this crap on the other.

  4. 4
    Justin Anthony Knapp:

    Doug,

    See also: http://sexinchrist.com/

    I should say that I think this site is actually a joke or some very sly attempt that a man made at getting his wife to have anal sex with him. The subject matter is explicit, of course, but there is not imagery.

    -JAK

  5. 5
    eddie:

    I’ve never bought a separate Christian sex guide. Does this mean I’m not really an Evangelical after all?

  6. 6
    Chuck Grantham:

    I’ve never had an interest in Christian sex guides.

    I gotta get out more.

  7. 7
    Michael Bird:

    Doug,
    Tragically, this is not the first time an anglican clergy man has taken an interest in my sexual innocence.

  8. 8
    doug:

    Michael, I’m not at all sure if that comment is meant to be accompanied by an ironic smilie or by real-life tears. If the latter then I can only say sorry for a mis-titling which seemed amusing at the time.

  9. 9
    Michael Bird:

    Doug,
    It was an ironic smile!

  10. 10
    Tyler Williams:

    OK, that http://sexinchrist.com/ website must be satire, right? The author can’t be serious about his interpretation of Scripture.

  11. 11
    doug:

    You’d like to think so.

  12. 12
    earliestchristianhistory » Blog Archive » Evangelical erotica: an overlooked area in reception history?:

    [...] Bird’s reference to a Sydney Morning Herald article on Christian Sex Guides, Doug Chaplin points out a load of exotic sounding practices and makes the following comment which may or may not be true: [...]

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I'm Doug Chaplin, parish priest and human being. Sometimes I have thoughts I want to share. Sometimes I have thoughts I should keep to myself. Sometimes I get them confused. Happy browsing.

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